The time of courtship is not the time for feeling of pecking and kissing. it is a serious matter. it is a time to talk and get it straight away. it is expected of your courtship to prepare you for marriage, but, nowadays, reverse is the case, the activities in courtship can never secure happy marriage life.
There are lot of things to know and understand, and how can you know and understand if you don’t talk.
Different Pictures of Courtships
1. Mute courtships: these are the set of people that don’t talk freely in there courtship, whereby, fiancé is acting in a strange manner to his fiancée and vice versa. It is not that they are deaf dump but they are not close in heart. The major cause of this is ignorance.
Sometimes, Christian brothers and sisters practice this kind of courtship in the name of spirituality.
Also, some people will not want to offend their partners may be because of position, age difference or wealth, and as a result of that they will be mute throughout their courtship life.
2. Talkative courtships: These are the set of people that talk in their courtship but without sense. They never talk right things. They are inclined in excessive talking, that is, always ready to talk even at length but you cannot hold any point. They talk freely about unimportant things in a friendly way. This kind of courtship is usually full of gossip and malice.
3. Flippant courtships: these are the set of people that joke too much in their courtship. They take things for granted and turn everything to child play.
They are never serious with each other. Serious matters are not common in their discussion. They thought inappropriately and laugh on things that doesn’t worth it. They are too playful, frolicsome, perky, lighthearted, giddy, frivolous and silly in nature.
Their talks lack intellectual substance and things not worth serious consideration. Full of trivial discussions.
4. Flamboyant courtships: These are the set of people that believe everything is fun.
They never talk to plan, they talk to spend. Too extravagant. They are full of eatery, clubbing, film house etc. They can never sit down at the round table to talk about progress in their courtship, but the next party to attend.
5. Constructive courtship: these are the set of people that construct their marital future with the content of their discussions. They are full of talks that are carefully considered and meant to be helpful to their marriage in the nearest future. Their talks, jokes, and fun are building them up for glorious marriage.
They are polite and moderate in every sense of life.
Well-mannered, socially superior to ordinary people and considered refined or cultured. They talk with grace, courtesy, love and have respect for each other. Maturity is written all over them.
Keys that can help you to talk constructively
1. Interview: Always try to ask questions and make enquiry of what that looks ambiguous to you
2. Assessment: Always look back and see if what you have discussed is able to give you glorious home.
Have you dealt with all issues that ought to be dealt with? Never go into the marriage if you are not sure.
Have you talked about:
2. Do’s and dont’s
3. Weaknesses: e.g. snoring, eating habit e.t.c
4. Formal education: to what level?
5. Verbal skills: how does he/she talks
6. Expected roles of both individuals in the marriage: His roles as husband and father and her roles as wife mother of your children
7. Love and respect: to what extent does she respect or submit to you as her husband, and to what extent does he loves you as his wife.
8. Number of children
9. type of family planning
10. Gap between children
11. Child rearing view
12. Mental, social, psychological, spiritual, philosophy of life
13. Ways of dealing with issues
14. Talk about smoking, drinking, alcohol and coming home late
15. Night journey
16. involvement of in- laws and parental influence
17. Sense of humour: are you a person that doesn’t laugh or joke, just study and pray every minute? talk about it now
19. Dependability: to what extent can you depend on him/her? some men will say,” she depend on me for everything, she doesn’t have goals or visions” talk about it now
20. Verbal intimacy: freedom of expressing feelings
21. Home conflict and management
22 Anger management: some spouse will say” whenever I’m in rage or angry, the only person that can calm me down is my mother or someone else” some will say ” leave me for sometime and I will get over it” Talk about it
23. Fear and anxiety
24. Friendship with opposite sex: don’t hand shake or hug any other man when I’m around etc talk about now
25. Family friends: who and who do you want as family friends? what caliber of people?
26. Personal friends
27. Level of ambition
28. personal goals and achievements
29. corporate life goals and achievements
30. Attitude towards weight: many ladies are slim before marriage but fat after marriage. if you are a type that likes slim lady, look at her mother if she has, because, she’s likely to look like her mother later in life. For men , spot belly etc. Talk about it now..
31.Religion belief and spiritual preference
32. Church denomination: is it her church you will be attending after wedding or his?
33. church involvement
34. hobbies and interests
35. songs and music
36. Values and goals
37. self control: does he have problem with women?
38. Past life
39.Amount of income to spend and save
40. House wife or career woman
41. Type of account
42. What percentage should be allocated to cloths, vacations, given away and to whom?
43. Means and risk of investment
44. Attitude about cleanliness
45. Location: where to settle, geographical, commercial, spiritual, and social area to live
46. Order of priority: house before car or vice- versa
47. Size and style of house: bungalow, upstairs, flat, duplex, fenced or open house. Talk about it now!
48. Ways of handling sickness: are you the type that if somebody vomit around you or see blood, you will run away?
49. Means of getting treatment: is it private hospital, or teaching hospital, or tradomedical center?
50. Payment of school fees
51. Children’s schooling: private and public
52. Health standard: are you the type that uses the drug or faith? Talk about it
53. Interpersonal and social skills: does your spouse have cacus, caliber, or levels? Does he/she have pride or look down on people?
55. House helpers: maid, Gardner, gateman, driver, dry cleaner, house cleaner etc
56. Nature of food: only African food or continental or mixed
57. Mode of sleeping: together or separately
58. Mattress: water bed, mat etc
59. Sexual intimacy
60. sexual intercourse during pregnancy
61. types of furniture and interior decorations
63. types of cloth to be wearing
64. Day or days of fasting in a week
65. Amount and type of travel prefer: is it every vacation or yuletide period? is it by flight, land etc
66. Time to be spent together: some couples live away from each other throughout their lives, as a result of job etc
67. When to go to bed and when to wake up
68. Time for family alter
69. Test on genotype, HIV/AIDS, blood group etc
70. Intelligent decision
71. Nature of hair do: plaiting, weaving, curling, wig etc
72. Make up: use of earring, lipstick, cosmetics pedicure etc
So many young people are making excuses for their shortcomings in courtship, that, they don’t know what to talk about. And, as a result of that, the only thing that is available to do is sex, which can damage their marital pursuit. All we have mentioned above are not a day talk; neither a month nor a year talk. They are something you can talk and talk until your mind is clear.
So many marriages are having problems today because they fail to talk the right thing while in courtship. They substitute thier talking period for sex and other related acts. FEWER PROBLEMS YOU WILL HAVE IN MARRIAGE IF YOU HAVE QUALITY TALKING IN COURTSHIP.
IT IS NOT TIME FOR MARRIAGE
It is not time for marriage until you are satisfied with every talking, until your eyes can see clearly the bottom of the water, until you have guarantee of your second life ( marriage). You can save yourself from fruitless race in marriage now that you are not bonded with marital vows. You don’t have to join the queue of failing marriages.
Marriage is sweet and marriage is bitter base on your own experience and content of your discussion while in courtship. Talk about it now!